


The Tempest Tongue Group Chat

by Greenninjagal



Series: The Messages that Made Us [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Child Neglect, Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition, Group chat, M/M, Mute!Virgil, Parties, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2020-05-13 17:38:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19255993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greenninjagal/pseuds/Greenninjagal
Summary: Bitchofyourdreams: [are your chats always like this?]Anxi_Tea: [Nah]Princey: [usually we’re funnier]***aka a (sequel) text fic where Remy stops in for a bit and everything goes down hill from there.





	1. Cast Spell - Alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitchofyourdreams: [are your chats always like this?] 
> 
> Anxi_Tea: [Nah] 
> 
> Princey: [usually we’re funnier]
> 
> [Usually a conversation bursts forth and we snowball off each other until we inevitably have to face today’s predicament.]<
> 
> Princey: [like I said, funnier.]
> 
> ****  
> Aka a new chat does not mean any decrease of the usual shenanigans, much less the usual drama.

_Anxi_Tea_ has created a chat.

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Princey, Logos,_ and _Cat_feelings_ to the chat.

 

[Virgil?]<

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has named the chat _full of losers_

 

Princey: [Yo, Immortal Angst what’s with the new chat?]

 

Cat_feelings: [not that we don’t like it! It’s just we normally do all our talking in the other one!]

 

Princey: [and also we don’t like it.]

 

[Is there a reason you have resigned to calling us “losers”? That is not your usual insult for us.]<

 

Princey: [he has a usual insult for us?]

 

Cat_feelings: [is everything okay, kiddo?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sadfsg]

 

[Virgil?]<

 

Princey: [are we supposed to take that as a no????]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Bitchofyourdreams_ to _full of losers_

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has kicked _Bitchofyourdreams_ from _full of losers_

 

[Was Virgil not occupied tonight?]<

 

Princey: [What?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [GDSHF]

 

[I recall him mentioning that he would be preoccupied with things tonight.]<

 

Princey: [When was that?]

 

[During our study date two day ago.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT THE FUIKGHNJH]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Bitchofyourdreams_ to _full of losers_

 

Anxi_Tea: [Virgsbhnj]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has kicked _Bitchofyourdreams_ from _full of losers_

 

Princey: [oh right.]

 

Princey: [“study date”]

 

[What is that supposed to suggest?]<

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has kicked _Bitchofyourdreams_ from _full of losers_

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Bitchofyourdreams_ to _full of losers_

 

Princey: [Please Logan we all know you two were not studying.]

 

[What are you talking about?]<

 

[We were studying.]<

 

Princey: [suuuurre]

 

[Please explain to me what else we could have been doing.]<

 

Princey: [Logan, I’m not going to explain what I think you two were doing alone in a dorm room in a group chat that has Patton in it]

 

Cat_feelings: [???]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HOLD USFDG]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has kicked _Bitchofyourdreams_ from _full of losers_

 

Anxi_Tea: [MOTHERFUBGGBH]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Bitchofyourdreams_ to _full of losers_

 

Princey: [no one wastes an empty dorm room with studying.]

 

Cat_feelings: [What do you mean????]

 

Cat_feelings: [Were they not studying??]

 

Anxi_Tea: [REALLY]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has added _Bitchofyourdreams_ to _full of losers_

 

_Bitchofyourdreams_ has removed some admin privileges from _Anxi_Tea._

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [problem solved!]

 

[We were studying, Patton. Please disregard his vulgar assumptions.]<

 

Princey: [We all know you are a terrible liar Pocket Protector. Just give it up.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Now kiddos! You know what they say about making assumptions!]

 

Cat_feelings: [It only makes an a--]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [WHADDUP BITCHES]

 

Anxi_Tea: [REALLY NONE OF YOU GUYS WERE GONNA HELP ME]

 

[ah, Virgil, there you are.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [hey guys]

 

Anxi_Tea: [and Princey.]

 

Princey: [hEY]

 

[I was unaware you needed assistance. You normally sneer when someone suggests providing such extremities to you]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [no??]

 

Princey: [Yesterday you nearly took my eye out with an alarm clock for asking if you needed help getting your suitcase down from the shelf in your room that I had to originally help you reach.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [that was one time.]

 

Princey: [what about the time when I asked if you needed help carrying your stuff into the room after break and you hissed at me?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [okay two times.]

 

Princey: [And the time you twisted your ankle walking down the hill from the Academic Building and I tried to get you ice from the communal kitchen and you snapped at me that you didn’t need anything ever?]

 

[I do not believe we have the time to go through the whole list.]<

 

[May I inquire on what the change of group chat means?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [It means my cousin is a dick]

 

Cat_feelings: [language!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [just ignore this.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [excuse you sweetheart!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [I don’t know where this attitude is coming from but it needs to go]

 

Princey: [Remy?]

 

[I’m afraid that is not an attitude. That is his normal personality.]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [oh unvalid! I forgot you were here!]

 

[Invalid*]<

 

[Please use correct grammar if you’re going to insult me]<  


Anxi_Tea: [or just stop insulting my friends.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [pfft “friends”. Yeah sure right, you’re all “just friends”]

 

Anxi_Tea: [whats that supposed to mean]

 

[And were you not the one who created this group chat and added my number to it?]<  


Bitchofyourdreams: [Pat honey how’s it hanging?]

 

Cat_feelings: [superb Remy!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I didn’t know you were hanging with V today!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [neither did I]

 

Cat_feelings: [I miss you! <3 <3]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [and that’s why your my favorite]

 

[You’re*]<

 

Princey: [what! Why am I not your favorite!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [because you still owe me five dollars]

 

Princey: [what? for when?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [interest from the twenty dollars i had to shake you down for hun]

 

[How much were you charging for interest?]<

 

Princey: [there was interest?]

 

Princey: [I just wanted a coffee dude]

 

Anxi_Tea: [where did you go that coffee was twenty dollars?]

 

Princey: [You can’t have a coffee without a scone alright.]

 

Princey: [and there were sandwiches]

 

Princey: [A gorgeous young man with a really pretty smile that I had no reason to talk to other than offer him a scone.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [that’s gay]

 

[When is he not?]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [alright unvalid, you’ve moved up the chain. I dub thee analog]

 

[I was expecting much worse.]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Nerd]

 

[And proud]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [You ruined it. You’re an unvalid again.]

 

[What is this scale you are using?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He doesn’t have a scale.]

 

[I need to know Virgil.]<

 

[I must be better than Roman.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Shucks kiddo! You shouldn’t compare yourself to others!]

 

Cat_feelings: [you’re perfect just the way you are! <3 <3 It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!]

 

Princey: [Also no one is better than me.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [he just said Patton was better than you]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [are your chats always like this?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Nah]

 

Princey: [usually we’re funnier]

 

[Usually a conversation bursts forth and we snowball off each other until we inevitably have to face today’s predicament.]<

 

Princey: [like I said, funnier.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [I don’t do this whole depressing thing unvalid so you’re gonna need to tone it back now]

 

[how is it depressing if its the truth?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [how is it not depressing if its the truth?]

 

Princey: [Johnny Depressing over here with the real questions]

 

Cat_feelings: [no kiddos! Remember what we said! No depressing thoughts after five oclock!]

 

Princey: [when did we agree on that?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat you can’t restrict the only thing I’m good at.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Hey Remy can you give Virgil a bat on the back of the head for me!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It was a joke! I sweafdsg]

 

Anxi_Tea: [REMY]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [thgshh]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Excuse you! That was harder than I hit you!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Why are you even here?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Don’t you have things to do?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [I finished them so I thought I’d drop in on my favorite cousin and his “just friends”]

 

[Why do you keep putting that in quotations?]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [To annoy you.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [is it working?]

 

[No?]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [You don’t sound so sure unvalid.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Are you here to ask us for help Rem?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Because I always have time to help you carry things!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [carry what?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Nah doll. Not carrying anything. I just was going to ask if I can steal my delightful cus for the evening!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [the answer is no]

 

Princey: [the answer is of course! Just have him home by two!]

 

[Might I inquire where you are planning on taking him?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [He’s not taking me anywhere!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t want to go anywhere with him!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [but I want to take you somewhere with me]

 

Cat_feelings: [how can you say no to a face like that!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remy, every time we have hung out something terrible happened]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Really? I only remember the cool parts]

 

Anxi_Tea: [breaking your leg was cool?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [do you know how much free starbucks I got the next time I went in? Having a cast was amazing. Everyone gives you free stuff]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I really don’t want to deal with blood, or broken bones, or the emergency room lady tonight]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [hey what’s wrong with Linda?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I was going to redye my hair tonight.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [We can still do that, doll! I just want to take you to this party]

 

Anxi_Tea: [absolutely not]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no way]

 

Anxi_Tea: [id rather die]

 

[Ah, today's predicament.]<

 

[I was wondering when it would make itself known.]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [why are you so dramatic?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [it’s just a little party]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Nothing is ever a little party with you!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don’t want to watch you rip off your pants again!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [i never did that]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....then who am I thinking of?]

 

Princey: [I don’t think it really matters!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Cat_feelings: [....]

 

[Is this the part where I inquire why Roman took off his pants at a party?]<

 

[I find myself not wanting to know the answer.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [look what you did, Princey]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you broke him.]

 

Princey: [I’m not the one who brought it up!]

 

[I’m not broken?]<

 

Princey: [Look he’s not broken!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You literally made him not want to know things anymore]

 

Princey: [It’s not my fault!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [It was!]

 

Princey: [was not!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [was too!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Let’s not fight guys! After all he got his pants back and no one got hurt right!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Pat, babe, you’re too good for them]

 

Princey: [so true]

 

Anxi_Tea: [agreed]

 

[Affirmative.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [noooo! Kiddos don’t say that!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [whats wrong with a little bit of awareness?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [after all theres only oh so many jokes the author can make before she breaches the fourth wall]

 

Princey: [author?]

 

Cat_feelings: [fourth wall?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ignore him. Hes always like this.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [and i know what youre doing Rem. Im not gonna be distracted until you drag me to your car.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [im not going to the party.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Look V, i promise nothing bad is gonna happen]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [its a small one. No alcohol. Just a few friends and their plus ones. There'll even been a quiet room in the back we can sneak off too if things get to be too much.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [a small party]

 

Princey: [no alcohol?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Just a few friends?]

 

Princey: [that doesnt sounds like you at all Remy.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [what? Of course it does!]

 

Cat_feelings: [remy!!!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Did you find a cute boy you want V’s help wooing?!!!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [uh no! Nahuh! Dont you be doing that analysis of me hun!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [I'll keep all these secrets inside of me and then one day ill die. Thanks.]

 

[That seems like a terrible plan.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Whats his name?!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [none of your dumbbutt business!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HEY dont talk to Pat like that!]

 

[Pardon did he just say “Dumbbutt”?]<

 

Princey: [You Vile Villain!]

 

Princey: [Im sorry, Orchid Offense, but i have no choice but to fight your cousin to the death to preserve Padre's honor.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Id end you in a literal second, Prince]

 

Anxi_Tea: [do it]

 

Cat_feelings: [guys no! Dont fight!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [do it or you're straight]

 

Cat_feelings: [VIRGIL!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [whoa there]

 

Princey: [HOW DARE]

 

[I believe there's a line and you just yeeted it.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [logan no]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yeet is like,, uh throwing something.]

 

[Ah, I see.]<

 

[A more correct term would be “you just yoinked it”]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [No logan, yoink and yeet are the same term.]

 

[What]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [yoink is past tense. Yeet is present.]

 

[What.]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [oh this is like watching a car wreck]

 

Princey: [how many car wrecks have you watched]

 

[I severely dislike these new terms.]<

 

[They make no sense.]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Wow, unvalid, your pitiful attempt at modern slang made empty cavity in my chest hurt for a second.]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [it was almost like having a heart there]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [it was awful]

 

[Your mom is awful]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [oh my god]

 

Princey: [PATTON JUST SPIT FANTA ALL OVER MY PLUSHIES]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [not bad unvalid. Welcome back to Analog level]

 

[Satisfactory.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [What monster have I created]

 

Princey: [ALL OF THEM ARE RUINED]

 

Princey: [EVEN MY MANTICORE CHIMERA]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Is this why god stays in Heaven? Because she is afraid of the things she created?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’M SORRY]

 

Cat_feelings: [I DIDN’T MEAN TO]

 

Princey: [ARE THESE MACHINE WASHABLE]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [oh that The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get readying sucks]

 

Princey: [GOOD GODS]

 

Anxi_Tea: [AHHHHHHHHHH]

 

Cat_feelings: [AHHHHHH]

 

[Dear Newton]<

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [VIRGIL WHAT THE The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [WHAT DID YOU DO]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHY DID YOU THINK I DID SOMETHing oh yeah I just remembered]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I changed it so when you type PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARING it types the pacer test introduction]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [.....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [well played, Remy.]

 

Princey: [The more you two hang out the more worried I become]

 

Princey: [its like you two are the same person]

 

Princey: [in different bodies]

 

[I’m afraid I’d have to disagree with that assessment.]<

 

[From my interactions with the both of them they are very different.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m just glad theres now a limit on the swearing!]

 

Cat_feelings: [seeing you guys trying to keep it clean makes me so proud!]

 

Princey: [are you proud of me dad?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m always proud of you, Ro!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Come here I’m gonna hug you]

 

Princey: [put down the fanta first]

 

[Also for help with your soda stuffed animals Roman, I believe baking soda shall work.]<

 

Princey: [more soda is supposed to help this?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I get the feeling we /soda/ don’t understand, Lo!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Virgil is trying to pretend he isn’t laughing again but that was a good one Pat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Will you get out already?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Oh come on V!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [What will it take for you to come with me to this party?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Impending death via Zombie Apocalypse.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [or the promise of vampires being there.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m not picky]

 

[Interesting. What would you want with a Vampire, Virgil?]<

 

Princey: [What wouldn’t he want with a Vampire?]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Listen I know we’re all sluts for vampires here V, and I support you full heartedly.]

 

Cat_feelings: [???]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Where is this going]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [but how greedy can you be? I mean you’ve got three willing participants right herawsfzdgthyjuy]

 

Anxi_Tea: [get out]

 

Anxi_Tea: [now]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [what? It was a joke sdaf]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Ow what the hell!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I said GET OUT]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Ow! The FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [MotherThe FitnessGram Pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter Pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal *boop*. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound *ding*. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready]

 

Princey: [what happened]

 

Bitchyourdreams: [I didn’t mean it like that!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [You know I didn’t mean it like that!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Virgil!]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Open the door!]

 

[What is going on?]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [Go to your PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARINGing party]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh dear]

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [Virgil I’m not leaving!]

 

_Bitchofyourdreams_ has started a call.

 

Call Ended. Duration: 0 seconds.

 

Bitchofyourdreams: [VIRGIL]

 

_Anxi_Tea_ has blocked _Bitchofyourdreams._

 

[Virgil might we--]<

  


_Anxi_Tea_ has deleted _full of losers_


	2. Cast Spell- Find Traps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxi_Tea: [what the hell are your dice]
> 
> Princey: [They don’t perform well under pressure! Its not their fault!]
> 
> ****  
> Aka some DnD is played and Virgil does an excellent job of not answering any questions

_Anxi_Tea_ has left _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Princey: [oh we are so not doing that]

 

_Princey_ has added _Anxi_Tea_ to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

_Princey_ has removed some admin privileges from _Anxi_Tea_

 

Princey: [You’re not getting away from us]

 

[What Roman means is that we would rather you did not cut yourself off from us Virgil]<

 

_Cat_feelings_ has started a call.

 

Call ended. Duration 0 seconds.

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil?]

 

[Virgil please]<

 

Princey: [tell us whats up Dark and Stormy Night]

 

Princey: [I’ll punch Remy if I have to]

 

Princey: [actually I’ll punch him for fun at this point.]

 

Princey: [I’m gonna go punch him right now]

 

[Roman]<

 

Princey: [tell me you don’t want to punch him too]

 

[We do not even know what transpired!]<

 

Princey: [so?]

 

Cat_feelings: [kiddo?]

 

[Fine I shall accompany you to Virgil and Patton’s dorm]<

 

[To alleviate the concerns of his dormmates.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t think violence is the way to go guys]

 

Princey: [Padre we can hear Remy yelling from hear]

 

[Here*]<

 

[Rationally if we do not get involved now, they will begin to disrupt the others on the floor]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil, kiddo, what do you want us to do?]

 

[Love?]<

 

Princey: [I’m going]

 

[Roman!]<

 

Princey: [What, Logan? He could be in the middle of a panic attack right now!]

 

Princey: [And I’m sure Remy’s yelling is not helping!]

 

Princey: [just because I can see him typing does not mean he doesn’t need us to be there physically!]

 

[Please desist in your actions!]<

 

Roman: [Some boyfriend you are!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman!]

 

Roman: [Don’t you care about him at all?]

 

[I care enough about him to trust him to use the key word we agreed on for if he is feeling overwhelmed and needs me to come over.]<

 

[Perhaps it is you who does not care about him.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Logan!]

 

[Virgil is not some damsel in distress who needs your saving.]<

 

Princey: [I never said he was!]

 

Princey: [I just]

 

Princey: [can’t sit here]

 

Princey: [not when he could be hurting again]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t think any of us want to see Virgil upset]

 

Cat_feelings: [But arguing with each other is not helping anyone]

 

[We aren’t arguing.]<

 

Princey: [^^^]

 

Princey: [What he said.]

 

Princey: [New plan!]

 

Princey: [Logan come on]

 

[Pardon?]<

 

Princey: [I’m gonna punch Remy and you’re gonna carry his legs]

 

[How is that a new plan from the one we just said was a bad idea?]<

 

Princey: [In this one you do more than just stand there]

 

Cat_feelings: [Wait wait wait!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Please guys! Lets do this without having someone call campus security!]

 

Cat_feelings: [What if you distract him instead?]

 

Princey: [Of course! Excellent idea Padre!]

 

Princey: [Logan will distract him and I will go up and hit him with the hilt of my katana!]

 

Cat_feelings: [NO!]

 

Cat_feelings: [I mean like]

 

Cat_feelings: [I dont know!]

 

Cat_feelings: [something else!]

 

[Ah.]<

 

[I have a solution.]<

 

Princey: [Care to fill a friend in?]

 

[A detestable solution.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [????]

 

Princey: [Oh my god.]

 

Princey: [OH MY GOD]

 

Cat_feelings: [What?]

 

Cat_feelings: [what did he do?]

 

Princey: [Logan just went up and offered to go to the party with Remy in Virgil’s sted.]

 

Cat_feelings: [but Logan hates parties!]

 

Cat_feelings: [and people]

 

Princey: [rip Logan 2k19. You will be missed]

  
  


[Please don’t date this fic.]<

 

Princey: [Sometimes I can still hear his voice.]

 

Princey: [and see his stupidly attractive nerd face out of the corner of my eye]

 

Princey: [I will spendsafsdgff]

 

Princey: [HEY THAT’S NOT ALLOWED YOU’RE A GHOST]

 

[When I return from this party, you will owe me dinner for two different nights, Prince.]<

 

Princey: [what why me?]

 

[Because I said so.]<

 

Princey: [Logan you have a boyfriend.]

 

[It’s not a date!]<

 

Princey: [It sounds like a date]

 

Princey: [And I hope you like free dining hall food because that’s all I have money for right now]

 

Princey: [Hey Emo Nightmare!]

 

Princey: [I’m gonna take your boyfriend to the dining hall and share a plate of spaghetti with him until we reenact the scene from Lady and the Tramp]

 

Princey: [because goals]

 

[Have I mentioned how much I physically hate you.]<

 

[I feel like it needs to be mentioned.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Aaaaoo! Sounds like Roman went right pasta line there, amirite Lo?]

 

[Please don’t start this.]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Awwww]

 

Cat_feelings: [I love Pasta puns. I’ve always had a pennechant for them!]

 

[Pat babe, never change!]<

 

[I took the invalids phone because he didn’t appreciate you enough luv]<

 

[Also he’s getting dressed now.]<

 

Princey: [Remy are you watching him?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Get the hell off his phone]

 

[Grow a pair]<

 

Cat_feelings: [Remy!]

 

[What? Are you going to give me the disappointed dad look?]<

 

[It’s useless, just like my real dad]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [I wish I never met you]

 

[Without me you’d still be in that basement, Virge]<

 

[I saved your goddamned life]<

 

Princey: [Remy I’m only gonna say it once]

 

Princey: [Give the nerd his phone back]

 

[Or what?]<

 

Princey: [uh, well]

 

[Listen, I didn’t pay his first year through college for him to be a little bitch]<

 

[I’m so sick of him taking hard passes on things he wants]<

 

[So I’m gonna go to this party with Logan]<

 

[and I’m gonna talk some sense into him]<

 

[And you guys can help Virgil finish throwing his stupid pity party]<

 

Princey: [hEY]

 

[And then you’ll all see that I’m right and you can thank me.]<

 

Anxi_Tea: [over my dead body]

 

[Byeeee]<

 

_Logos_ has muted _Gays in a Black Hole._

 

Princey: [I’ll really punch him.]

 

Cat_feelings: [That wasn’t the nicest thing he’s ever said.]

 

Princey: [That was down right a dick move]

 

Cat_feelings: [language.]

 

Cat_feelings: [but more importantly, V? Are you doing alright?]

 

Princey: [I’m going to follow them and make sure Logan’s alright.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roll initiative]

 

Princey: [or I could stay?]

 

Cat_feelings: [hang on my die rolled under my bed!]

 

Princey: [,,,6]

 

Cat_feelings: [3!]

 

Cat_feelings: [This is not looking like a good start!]

 

Princey: [But we will prevail!]

 

Princey: [because we are a team!]

 

Princey: [And that is what we do!]

 

Princey: [okay he’s really starting to make me nervous now]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You are in a cave.]

 

Princey: [what]

 

Princey: [all that typing for a single sentence??]

 

Anxi_Tea: [this is stupid]

 

Cat_feelings: [V?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [this entire thing is stupid.]

 

Cat_feelings: [i want to make a perception check]

 

Anxi_Tea: [there's nothing because its a stupid cave and neither of you can see in the dark]

 

Princey: [uh, my adventure pack comes with stuff right?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you dont have any stuff]

 

Anxi_Tea: [this is stupid. Nevermind. Im going to bed]

 

Cat_feelings: [V…]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sorry for disturbing the evening]

 

Cat_feelings: [you didnt disturb anything!]

 

Cat_feelings: [what remy did was not your fault. I dont know whats going on in that pretty little head of yours, but you cant control what your cousin does.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Remy crossed a line tonight. And i dont know what line it was, but if it made you so upset then he should have known better than to even joke about it.]

 

Cat_feelings: [its not your fault.]

 

Princey: [i scream]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what]

 

Cat_feelings: [what]

 

Princey: [in the dark, in a cave, with no equipment]

 

Princey: [i scream to figure out how close the nearest wall is. Like a bat]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no]

 

Princey: [are you saying no because it doesnt work or because youre trying to keep from playing]

 

Anxi_Tea: [im saying no because its a stupid idea]

 

Anxi_Tea: [roll i dont know]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARINGing investigation? I guess??]

 

Princey: [oooo uh can i get a yikes]

 

Cat_feelings: [whats a yikes?]

 

Princey: [Nat one with no modifier]

 

Cat_feelings: [that's a yikes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Congrats you found out the hard way that you are not alone in this cave. There are Bats.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [so many Bats]

 

Anxi_Tea: [They screech in response to your own shout, squeaks that rising in volume and echo in whatever chamber your in getting louder and louder with every passing second until you can barely think, much less tell where its coming from.]

 

Princey: [big yikes]

 

Anxi_Tea: [And only once the noise reaches a volume at which you think you might go deaf, do they start moving: swooping in the black darkness with razor sharp claws that scrape your skin shallowly and messily but not fatally. Not yet at least.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [They’re toying with you both.]

 

Cat_feelings: [that’s very not nice]

 

Princey: [Rude!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [any other bright ideas, Macbeth?]

 

Princey: [I’m gonna punch the next bat that comes for me]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you can’t see them its dark]

 

Princey: [nat one no modifier]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what the hell are your dice]

 

Princey: [They don’t perform well under pressure! Its not their fault!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You punch Patton instead of the bat. Patton take two damage, Princey take one.]

 

Princey: [forgive me, my beloved, for I have made the most grievous of errors]

 

Cat_feelings: [Its alright! I have several healing potions in my bag]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you don’t have your bags]

 

Cat_feelings: [in my pockets?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [youre not wearing pants]

 

Cat_feelings: [I get to wear a skirt?!]

 

Princey: [yes, fuck gender roles]

 

Cat_feelings: [is it one of the long ones that do that thing if I spin? Can I do the spin thingy?!]

 

Cat_feelings: [please?!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you are currently in a dark cave about to be eaten by bats, Pat.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virge I don’t own any long skirts! This is my only chance to do the spinny thing!]

 

Princey: [let the man do the spinny thing]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Fine you do the spinny thing. You can’t see it because youre in a dark cave. But you do it.]

 

Cat_feelings: [YAAAYYY]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Next course of action?]

 

Princey: [wait so are we playing as like ourselves? Like Me, Roman the Theater Geek and Patton the Soft Puffball?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Sure.]

 

Princey: [you don’t sound too sure.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [look I already said this was stupid and a waste of time. What else do you want?]

 

Princey: [Nothing! I just wanted to know if like I still had my katana!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Do you have your katana now?]

 

Princey: [No Thomas confiscated it after that time I tried to carve Logan’s face off with it. It’s still in his room]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Then why did you ask?]

 

Princey: [I’m gonna punch the bat again.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don’t think thats the best--]

 

Princey: [3!]

 

Princey: [We are on a losing streak today!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Are you using the red and gold dice I got you for Christmas last year?]

 

Princey: [uh yeah. Remember Pat ate my only other set?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I thought they were candy]

 

Princey: [I know buddy. That’s why I only cried for ten hours instead of a full twenty four!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You, Roman, flail your arms and hit a bat, but its not enough to deter it much. Its claws graze your cheek, cutting your forehead and swiping through your hair.]

 

Princey: [not the hair!]

 

Princey: [that’s my favorite thing about myself]

 

Cat_feelings: [I thought it was your laugh?]

 

Princey: [no that’s third on the list. It’s hair, eyes, laugh, and then my fashion taste]

 

Anxi_Tea: [What fashion taste]

 

Princey: [I’m not going to let the guy who wears the same three outfits every week tell me my fashion sense is bad]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Excuse you]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Where are you getting this mysterious third outfit from???]

 

Princey: [The flannel? I remember it because I hadn’t seen it before]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Uh, no that was Logan’s]

 

Princey: [Why were you wearing Logan’s flannel?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [oH LOOK ANOTHER BAT IS ATTACKING]

 

Princey: [wait thats nOT FAIR]

 

Cat_feelings: [I do like Logan’s flannels! Was it the dark blue one? I love that one!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [uh, yeah it was.]

 

Cat_feelings: [aw! I bet you looked adorable in it!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Pat…]

 

Princey: [He did!]

 

Princey: [wanna see a picture of it?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHERE THE PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARING DID YOU GET A PICTURE]

 

_Princey_ sent _IMG-20191208-flannel.jpg_ to _Gays in a Black Hole_

 

Anxi_Tea: [IS THAT MY WINDOW]

 

Anxi_Tea: [HOW THE PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARING]

 

Princey: [its a funny story actually]

 

Princey: [Remember all that screaming about a herd of squirrels in the dorm last week]

 

Cat_feelings: [Oh! I heard about that. I was in Environmental, but Joan said crazy]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOU HANFING PUT ME WINDOW]

 

Cat_feelings: [Hanging*]

 

Cat_feelings: [out*]

 

Princey: [Padre, Logans not here. Lets act like it]

 

Cat_feelings: [my*]

 

Cat_feelings: [I know but he would want us to do it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PRINCEY]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT AND I ARE ON THE SECOND FLOOR]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THERE ARE NO TREES OUT OUR WINDOW THIS YEAR]

 

Princey: [right so, our tale begins on an average Wednesday night!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [THAT PICTURE WAS TAKEN ON THE FRIDAY]

 

Cat_feelings: [You remember that, kiddo?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [No, but in the pic I’m wearing my Friday socks so it must have been Friday]

 

Cat_feelings: [I thought all your socks were purple]

 

Princey: [I was looking for a pair of boots, you know the cute ones that are black and match my leather jacket and makes me looks super attractive? I mean I always look attractive but this one makes me look hella cute, those ones.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [different shades. Just trust me.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I trust you with my life]

 

Anxi_feelings: [stop that]

 

Cat_feelings: [stop what?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [yes Princey we know the ones]

 

Princey: [well I couldn’t find them. But I kept finding my red converse which still make my calfs look great but not what I was looking for. I got upset and I wasn’t paying attention so I tossed my shoe over my shoulder and it hit my screen which was ALREADY loose from the incident with the lizard.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what incident with the lizard?]

 

Cat_feelings: [wait Virge can we talk about this]

 

Princey: [not important. Basically I freaked the fuck out and tried to get the screen to go back in place but the thingy was broken and it wouldn’t fix and I had class so I had to leave it. Unfortunately I also forgot to close the tub of peanut butter I was eating.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [The lizard sounds like it was important]

 

Princey: [SO if your wondering squirrels DO like peanut butter. A lot of squirrels like peanut butter.]

 

Princey: [When I came back an hour later my room was filled with the little rodents and they were eating my peanut butter. But also the screen was broken just enough that they could get in to the room but not out.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman what the PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARING]

 

Princey: [It was a mistake anyone could have made!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no. No one else could have made that mistake.]

 

Princey: [right so, after the rodents incident, I forgot to get my shoe from outside and I didn’t remember again until Friday when I was looking to wear them because I was feeling the highschool heartthrob aesthetic and so I realized that when I tossed it out the window it got caught on the tree out of my window and so I thought I could reach it without any help]

 

Princey: [i could not]

 

Princey: [Luckily! I caught on the windowsill of the room below me and didn’t die. But I felt like an idiot so I was not going to call for help and be known as That Guy(™) so I thought I could just shimmy my way around to where your room was and climb in through your window]

 

Princey: [but then I saw you were trying on flannel and I thought you looked great so I snapped a picture!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [YOU HAD YOUR PHONE]

 

Anxi_Tea: [WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL CAMPUS SECURITY]

 

Princey: [I am my own prince. I can save myself!]

 

Anxi_Tea: [the idea didn’t occur to you did it]

 

Princey: [not even for a second]

 

Anxi_Tea: [How the hell did you survive]

 

Princey: [Oh right! The sill on your window was chipped and broken and it gave out after I took the picture and I fell. But it was alright because Remy was below me and he cushioned my fall]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Remy? What was he doing here friday?]

 

Princey: [dunno. He made me buy him another green tea in exchange for his silence.]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m gonna seduce the bats.]

 

Princey: [what]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what] 

 

Cat_feelings: [what]

 

Princey: [I forgot we were playing dnd too]

 

Princey: [is Pat allowed to do that?]

 

Princey: [like physically? Are we gonna allow that]

 

Cat_feelings: [You and Logan do it all the time to our villains!]

 

Princey: [but youre]

 

Cat_feelings: [I’m what]

 

Princey: [I get the distinct feeling that I just made a huge faux pas. Emo Undertaker help me out here]

 

Anxi_Tea: [....]

 

Cat_feelings: [What should I roll kiddo?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I’m thinking]

 

Anxi_Tea: [PAT BABE SAYS NO SWEARING]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Performance]

 

Princey: [he got a 17]

 

Cat_feelings: [Roman!]

 

Princey: [What?]

 

Cat_feelings: [stop making up answers!]

 

Cat_feelings: [i got a 13 with a +2]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Roman have you been rolling at all?]

 

Princey: [I believe that man is trying to have intercourse with a bat.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [what the hell is the point of this game if you aren’t rolling?]

 

Princey: [what the hell is the point of this game if you don’t give us a way to fight the villains]

 

Anxi_Tea: [you can’t win every battle]

 

Princey: [bullshit]

 

Anxi_Tea: [sometimes it takes more than punching things to beat the bad guy]

 

Princey: [theses are literal bats, Virgil]

 

Anxi_Tea: [To you!]

 

Princey: [and they aren’t to you?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Virgil]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You know what, forget it]

 

Anxi_Tea: [it was a stupid idea anyway]

 

Cat_feelings: [It's not stupid]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Will you stop that already?!]

 

Cat_feelings: [Stop what, Virgil?]

 

Cat_feelings: [I'm not-]

 

Cat_feelings: [I don't think I'm doing anything I haven't done before]

 

Anxi_Tea: [...]

 

Cat_feelings: [I know you are trying to say something with this scenario. With the cave and the darkness and being unarmed completely. And I know that if Logan were here, he’d probably already have figured it out, somehow. But Ro and I aren’t Logan.]

 

Cat_feelings: [We're just Pat and Ro, and we're trying to figure out what you want us to do.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don't want you to do anything]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I don't want]

 

Anxi_Tea: [I]

 

Cat_feelings: [Okay.]

 

Cat_feelings: [Okay, that's alright]

 

Cat_feelings: [are we supposed to be able to get out of this cave?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [...]

 

Anxi_Tea: [no]

 

Princey: [I’m lost.]

 

Princey: [what is the point]

 

Anxi_Tea: [maybe there isn’t one]

 

Anxi_Tea: [ever think of that?]

 

Cat_feelings: [Kiddo]

 

Cat_feelings: [how did you get out of the cave?]

 

Anxi_Tea: [who ever said I was in the cave?]

 

Cat_feelings: [answering my question with a question is deflecting, V.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [fine.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [You want to play a story? I'll give you a story to play.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Its a stupid and awful and crappy story but its a story.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [Just when you think that the bats are going to get the best of you both, you hear a shout and suddenly the cave is illuminated with a bright yellow light. The bats give a cacophony of shrieks that sound like pain and they flee from the source of light. The parts of their wings that get touched by the gold sizzle and the smell of cooked flesh fills the area. It clear as long as the light is there, the bat will want nothing to do with it.]

 

Anxi_Tea: [the source of light is a person, the light illuminating from tattoos all over their skin. Using your passive perception you note several things about this person: they are walking barefoot around the cave as if they are unbothered by the dampness, they are wearing shades despite how dark it is in the caves, and they are hold a Starbucks cup.]

 

Princey: [is that--]

 

Cat_feelings: [oh]

 

Anxi_Tea: [“Sup Babes, you seem lost,” the newcomer says, “I’m Remington. I can show you how to get out of here.”]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, arriving from the depths of writing hell: ah, yes, I remember when this was only supposed to be a max of three chapters. Its not that anymore.
> 
> sup! I'm back for a hot minute! For more stuff by me check out my tumblr  masterlist.
> 
> If you like my writing and want to see me paid for it for some reason, consider dropping by my ko-fi.

**Author's Note:**

> ....so hi. Welcome to my loose inspiration fic? Tbh I've been planning this since BHGC ended but I've been very nervous about not being able to make this nearly as good as BHGC was. I don't know how this is gonna go, if it's gonna go, but a lot of people have been asking for it and I short changed ya'll on the LAMP last time. 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you guys would like to see in this fic, whether it be more Virgil's past or Patton's future or just the boys playing dnd!


End file.
